


The day you died

by Shallowduck



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - The French Mistake, Angst, Castles, Depression, Episode: s06e15 The French Mistake, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hotels, Ireland, M/M, Nephilim, Original Character(s), Other, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Post-Episode: s06e15 The French Mistake, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Travel, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 17:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5792866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shallowduck/pseuds/Shallowduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sooooo... French mistake divergent. Non cannon timelines. Idk just so muc . Also I have no beta so I'm sorry. Much sorries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to avoid smut you can skip past chapter 3. It won't affect the really affect the story.

The day your life changed forever started like any other day. It sucked. You got up, and tried to face the stranger in the mirror. It had gotten hard since your dad died. The depression had gotten to be too much. You had decided to end it soon, you had nothing really left to live for. You were a jobless, friendless, emotionless, numb recluse…but today wasn’t the day to end it. Today you needed coffee, so you put on enough makeup that it didn’t look so much like you hadn’t slept in a month, found a comfy pair of skinny jeans, a black tank top wielding some vague whiskey slogan, and some converse. That had been your go to outfit lately. Comfortable and reliable.

Getting to the coffee shop was a painless experience. No strangers had tried to stop you on the street to ask for directions, or if you knew where such-and-such shop was. You didn’t feel like talking to anyone today. You got your favorite ‘mocha glacier’ coffee, and began walking around aimlessly.

Your excuse was enjoying the city before you closed your eyes for the last time, but you had done that even before you got depressed. You had enjoyed Vancouver everyday since you’d moved there 6 months ago following the loss of your dad. The endless streets, the noise, and bright night lights were mind numbing…which happened to be exactly what you needed.

It would seem you’d lost track of time and place because it was suddenly mid-afternoon and you were very close to the CW studio. You usually avoided being close to here. You hated tourists anyway, but you had heard someone was murdered close to here last night. The thought of death was soothing until you considered it being at the hands of someone other than yourself. Suddenly you heard a popping noise. It seemed faint, but enough to pull you from your thoughts. When you heard several more loud pops, you knew what they were and dove hard onto the concrete. _Well that hurt._

_Run! Wait…that’s a film set. I’m a moron. I wonder what they’re filming._

You carefully snuck through the gate and around the end of some kind of trailer, hoping security didn’t catch you. You couldn’t afford bail right now. Suddenly you caught a glimpse of three guys bleeding on the ground and… _oh shit! He has a gun! There are no cameras! This isn’t a drill!!! run!!_

Suddenly you’re running, and lets face it you really shouldn’t be. When you were younger you’d make a joke at your own expense “fat people don’t run”, but that wasn’t really it. You weren’t really fat; plump maybe, but not fat. Running just seemed like way too much effort, but you were running now. That is, until you realized that wasn’t an option anymore, plus you didn’t think you’d been spotted anyway. You were hiding by a set. You looked through a window It was a _bed room?_

You could hear more gun shots, and the sounds of a fight. It sounded close. You realized how close when the gunman and _Jensen ackles??? Today can’t get any weirder!_ came crashing through a fake wall. You ducked down to avoid being seen, but peeked whenever you thought it was safe. _Jensen ackles and Jared Padalecki? Why is the window glowing red?_

There was a minor glass explosion, but you wouldn’t remember that part for some time. You had been knocked unconscious for a moment. What you would remember is waking up somewhere different than you remembered being. You were certain you had been next to some weird bedroom set on an empty stage, now you were under a desk of some kind. Someone was talking. The voice sounded familiar and comforting somehow.  
__  
Shit. Where am I? How do I get out of here? You could see a doorway, so maybe if you could get to that you’d be safe. You tried to crawl around a chair that blocked your way, but being the clumsy bum you are you knocked your head into it instead. _Yep! That’s solid oak._ You’d hoped that wasn’t loud; that no one had heard you. No one was talking anymore, maybe they were gone already. You tried to move again, but when you looked up you were greeted by a big beautiful set of green eyes.  
*******************

After Dean had found you hiding under the desk he’d interrogated you repeatedly on how it was you came about hiding under Bobby’s desk, but you didn’t have any answers for him. You didn’t know, but you told him what you remembered anyway. He didn’t believe you, neither did Sam; but you figured that was fair since it was pretty hard for you to believe they were Sam and Dean instead of Jensen and Jared. You weren’t sure you believed any of what was happening. How could you just wake up in an alternate reality where two incredibly attractive men hunted demons and had angel friends and wendigos were a thing and…and…and…????? It was all too much. How were you going to survive here? You got winded earlier running from a guy with a gun! And what did you know about this reality anyway? You’d never really been a fan of the show, so really all you knew is what you’d caught when you’d been too lazy to change the channel. Although, that had happened more than you’d cared to admit. You were shook from your thoughts by Dean’s voice. It was rough and commanding. That comforted your somehow.

“Hey, are you listening?” You hadn’t been. You shook your head weakly. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to take all this in.” Sam and Dean exchanged study knowing glances before Sam’s soft, kind voice filled the silence. You didn’t like how his voice seemed to constantly tiptoe around. You didn’t need sugar coating. You’re a big girl, you can handle the truth. “We don’t know how to send you home.”

You mulled over this statement for a moment before replying. “That’s OK. I don’t think I’d want to go home anyway.” And really, you didn’t, did you? What was left there for you? Nothing.

Deans voice broke the silence this time. “Well, that’s good because… You’re stuck here. At least for a little bit.”

“ I’m serious, Dean. I don’t want to go home. Ever. ”

Sam sighed heavily and spared a hard glace in Dean’s direction before speaking. _I swear these two read each others minds._

His voice more casual than before,“ look, it’s late. She’s obviously tired. Let’s put her in the spare room, and figure out what to do tomorrow. Ok? ” He stared intently at his brother, who just threw up his hands. It was a gesture that yelled ‘whatever Sammy’.

Dean had stayed downstairs and calmed his nerves with a beer. Sam had been the one to show you to your room, and where the bathroom was. The room was cozy. It smelled dusty, and stale; but to you it smelled comfortable and homey. You immediately threw yourself down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. To spite the fear and confusion, this was the most comfort you’d felt in some time.  
Sam cleared his throat loudly. He was trying to get your attention no doubt. When you sat up to look at him, he was standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed. He made an awkward gesture with his hands before his speech actually began. _Does he always talk with his hands?_  
“I know this is scary,…. Ummmm… Actually, I forgot to ask your name…? ” “Y/N. My name is Y/f/n.” He smiled gently. “Y/n, I know this is scary being stuck here with us, but I promise we’ll find a way to send you-” you stood up quickly and interrupted him. “I told you Sam. I don’t want to go home. I have nothing left for me there. I have no friend. No family. No boyfriend-” you laughed at the thought of that last one. “- no job. I’m nobody and nothing there, so really. I’m fine being ‘stuck’ here.”

Sam looked confused and taken aback even, but you continued. “ Sam, I was planning on killing myself. I was tired of being alone. I was tired of facing the same ugly stranger in my mirror every single day. This….doesn’t…it isn’t…. Look, I just don’t want to go home. Ok? ”

You had said way more than you meant to, and Sam looked speechless. You sighed heavily as you fell heavily back onto the bed.

“Just, get some sleep, Y/n, and we can figure everything out tomorrow. ”

With that, Sam left quickly. After you were sure he had retreated down the steps, you made your way to the bathroom. You leaned over the sink, and splashed water on your face to be certain you weren’t dreaming. _Nope. Not a dream._ You glanced up at the mirror. You usually tried not to let your vision linger there. You hated your reflection, but this time was different. This time there really was a stranger staring back.  
_That’s not me. Who is that? Why do I look like that?_

You had thoroughly investigated the body you find yourself inhabiting. It was thinner than you were, and maybe slightly taller; but there’s was no real way to know that for sure. The strangers hair was long and grey, and fell in loose beachy curls against your back. The person staring back might have been a stranger, but it was one you recognised. This was the way your imagined yourself looking once when you’d allowed yourself some disillusion and fantasy. What you didn’t understand is why you looked like this instead of like you. You were thinking and concentrating when suddenly the reflection seemed to shift until you looked like, well, you. _holy shit! Did I do that?! Did I make that happen??_

You concentrated again until your reflection shifted once more info the stranger that you were now accepting as you. You giggled wildly before hushing yourself. You hoped the boys hadn’t heard you. After shifting back and forth a few times you realized Sam was right. You were exhausted. As soon as your body hit the bed sleep overtook you.

Down stairs the boys tried to figure out what you were, how you got there, and what to do with you.

“Sammy, we don’t even know if she’s telling the truth! She could be a freaking angel or worse!”

Dean, I don’t think she’s anything, but a scared confused girl from a reality where all of this-“ he motioned around with his arms ”-is a TV show.“

Dean rubbed his hands across his face then seemed struck by a thought.  
"That’s probably why she didn’t want to go home. I bet she’s a fan who thinks our lives are all adventures and ass kicking and wants to stay here with us…”  
He put a lot of emphasis on the word us, hinting at some underlying context, but Sammy shook his head heavily. His voice lowered when he spoke this time.  
“I don’t think so, Dean. When I took her upstairs… I told her we’d try to get her a way home, and she… Just shut me down.”

“ See what I mean, Sammy! ”

“ No, Dean, hear me out. She said she didn’t want to go home because she didn’t have a life. She called herself ugly, and said she was alone, and that she had been planning on killing herself before all this happened. I don’t think she’s making any of it up. ”  
Dean started intently at the floor before looking quizzically at Sam. “Really?”

Sam purposefully met Dean’s gaze and nodded. “ Yeah, man. ” Dean rubbed his face again before opening another beer. It was his 3rd in probably as many minutes. This all had his nerves shot. He knew sleep was out of the question tonight.

“Hey, Sammy, you should try to get some sleep. It’s getting late.” Sam nodded but made no attempt to move yet. “What about you? I’ll stay up and keep an eye on things. ”

Dean smiled into his beer as he took a sip. “Nah, I’m not tired. Go ahead. I’ll make sure no monsters try to come through the giant hole in the wall.” He gestured with his beer to where the window use to be. Sam chuckled as he rubbed his eyes before moving toward the stairs it was just then it occurred to him.

“Hey, Dean, where am I gonna sleep?”  
******************

You woke up to someone nudging your foot, it was startling enough to send you reeling. You jumped, ready to fight, remembering where you were. Sam threw up his hands in surrender. “It’s just me.” He said just above a whisper. You lay back down, but still looking up to meet his stare.

“Would it be weird if I asked to sleep up here with you?” He looked pitiful before adding hurriedly, “it’s just I don’t really have anywhere to sleep. Bobby is in his bed, and there is glass all in the couch. I could sleep in the panic room downstairs, but I’m afraid Dean will try to lock me in again. Plus, it’s cold down there… And not exactly comfortable…” 

He was stumbling all over his words. You could tell how weird he felt asking. You smiled and scooted over to give him room before burying your face back into the blanket and pillow you’d be cuddling before he woke you. He smiled and climbed into bed after he kicked off his boots. ” iirdalknmughshlept,“ you mumbled into your pillow. You could feel him roll over, and when you opened your eyes you realized he had no idea what you just said. You lifted you head out of the blanket, but you still mumbled. At least this time it was a coherent mumble. “I talk in my sleep.” He looked slightly puzzled, but nodded. “Ok. ”

Sleep came for you both quickly, although Sam awoke periodically to the sounds of your dream induced incoherent ramblings.  
“Mon… De…. No?…”

“where is duh… Luh…. Ok. ”

He wondered what you could be dreaming about, but he assumed it was him and his brother and the previous day’s events.

When you finally woke you found yourself alone in bed, which confused you since you were certain Sam joining you in bed hadn’t been a dream. After a quick trip to the bathroom, you stumbled downstairs toward the sound of cooking, talking, and the smell of coffee. Sam smirked up at you from his scrambled eggs.

“ Good morning. Sleep well? ”

You grunted in his general direction, since talking was out until after caffeine of some kind. Dean waived a cup of coffee in your direction.

“ coffee?“

You took the cup from him like it was life giving, and drank half of it in one breath. The other half was gone almost as quickly. Once the mug was empty you searched for the pot to refill it. After it was once again full and warm in your hand, you found you could speak.

“Thank you, Dean.”

You sat down at the table, and attempted to collect your thoughts; when Sam was pushing a plate of scrambled eggs, and toast in your face. You attempted a smile, although at this hour you doubted it looked like one. He seemed to understand the grimace like smile.

The eggs really seemed to hit the spot. You had always liked eggs, but this time they were especially filling. It was probably the exhaustion and stress that made you so hungry since breakfast had never really been your thing, but right now nothing sounded better than coffee and scrambled eggs.  
Once you'd finished your breakfast, and the boys were thoroughly satisfied that you were awake enough to understand what was being said they approached the subject of 'what to do with you.' It seems they had decided you needed to stay with Bobby's friend Jody for a few days while the boys left to do some work, and see if Castiel knew how to send you home. They gave you little choice in the matter, and made it very clear that you were to behave while you stayed in Souix Falls. You didn't like the idea of being left by yourself so soon after arriving. You didn't like that they were stuck on sending you home. You didn't like the situation at all, but you weren't in any position to argue.


	2. I'm a what?

The boys weren’t gone for long, and you found you actually enjoyed being with Jody. She was nice, and bubbly. You understood what Bobby saw in her. Castiel had accompanied the boys back to meet you. He didn’t seem to know how to send you back, but he could read you. That calmed the boys nerves, or rather Dean’s since he still thought you could be an enemy. It seemed that Dean assumed everyone was an enemy; guilty until proven innocent. In this case, Cas was judge, Sam was jury, and Dean the would be executioner.  
You had nothing to hide, but the situation made you nervous nonetheless.

As soon as Cas saw you his pensive expression changed. You noticed, but the boys didn’t seem to. He said nothing, and approached you slowly until he was close enough to reach up and touch your forehead. After a brief moment of quite literally feeling him riffling through your mind, he lowered his hand and took a step back. His expression was grave. The pregnant silence was unbearable. Dean spoke first.

“Well, Cas?”

Cas looked up at Dean, still unable to speak for a moment.  
“She’s a nephilum…..but she’s also telling the truth. She got transported here when you two got pulled back. ”

Dean and Sam looked confused, and stunned.  
“What?,” was all Dean could manage. Sam at least formed a full question.  
“What does that mean? How is that possible? Nephilum didn’t exist in that reality, did they?”

Cas didn’t look like he had any answers anyone was going to like.  
“I’m not sure. You said, when you went there you became the actors who played you on a television program…Your counterparts. Well, I think, this nephilum is her counterpart here, but… I thought… Everyone thought all the nephilum were dead. It would take an angel with a lot of…. seniority to hide a nephilum from everyone. ”

Dean and Sam seemed more speechless than they had before the explanation if that was even possible. It was a long moment before anyone said anything at all. You took it all in stride, even Dean had to give you credit for how well you were dealing, but it still took everyone by surprise when you began asking questions of your own.

“Cas, tell me more about nephilum, please. I know what they are, but are they like angels? Do they have wings? Well I mean, I don’t think I have wings but am I suppose to? Do I have a soul? What kind of angel could keep other angels from killing their nephilum baby or whatever?”  
The questions were pouring out of you. Luckily for everyone, Cas interrupted and filled in all the blanks he could.  
“Nephilum are abominations, and any angel would kill you on sight. I, honestly, don’t know how your counterpart here is alive. You have a soul, but yes you have wings. I imagine more abilities will come to you the longer your here. You’ll likely adopt as much power as your parent ”  
He sighed heavily before continuing.  
“And, I don’t know which angels could have hidden you for so long. It would be someone higher in command than I ever was. Lucifer of course could have. Michael. Any of the archangels… Maybe Zachariah?”

Sam looked up suddenly. “Could Gabriel?”  
Cas nodded. Dean, realizing what Sam was implying, breathed heavily. “Shit.”

You were never a light weight, but at that you needed to sit down. Even you knew who Gabriel was. At least now you knew why Cas appeared to glow; why you could change your appearance, why you could make something you wanted appear. You had learned that at Jody’s when you had a craving for a candy bar. And had Cas said that the longer you were here the more abilities you would discover?  _shit._

You were lost in your thoughts for sometime before Cas’s voice brought you back to reality.  
“Dean she’s an abomination. ”  
“That doesn’t mean you can kill her Cas. You said so yourself, she isn’t trying to hurt anyone. She isn’t a bad guy. ”  
“If the other angels find out-”  
“They won’t! She’s stayed under the radar this long, right?”

Castiel looked frustrated, but defeated. For that, you were grateful, but for some reason you didn’t think Cas could kill you even if Dean had conceded. Not that he lacked will, but instead ability; still the thought troubled you. The anger you suddenly felt toward Cas for feeling desire to end your life rose until suddenly thunder cracked, and it began pouring rain outside the tiny, cheap motel room.

The flood that started during the discussion about your current state of being lasted well through the night, and into the next day. You were enjoying it, but the boys seemed less than ecstatic. It occurred to you, after contemplating the timing, that maybe you were the cause of the downpour; so, with some effort and concentration you had the flood down to a drizzle.

Dean and Sam had been talking about a case for most of the morning. Dean’s voice sounded urgent, but Sam seemed reluctant. Now that you were in tow neither of them appeared to know how to deal with your presence. There was some debate before it was decided that you would stay behind in their motel room, so they could work without worrying about you…. And that was the way your life went for some time.

***********

.....except now they had a bunk instead of a crappy motel room most nights. It felt like you had been with the boys now for 1,000 years. You doubted it had really been any more than 3 or 4, but you couldn’t be sure since you no longer kept track of time. Being a nephilum changed your observance of time for reasons you still didn’t understand. You were glad to have Cas for things like that. Cas helped you come to grips with turning into an angelic being in the same way Dean and Sam had helped castiel deal with becoming human….the fleeting times it had happened.

You learned over the years that you could do a plethora of things including controlling the weather, and exorcising demons. You learned how to hide yourself from angels, and how to control your power. In fact, you adapted to your new life very well. You enjoyed this new life more than you ever enjoyed your old, and all three of the boys were finally starting to accept you. You stayed at the bunker with them often, although you didn't have a room of your own since you didn't actually need to sleep anymore. You occasionally went on hunts with them, and even joined them at the bar to celebrate after....until they started finding girls to spend the night with; save the few times one of them, usually Sam, would opt to go back to the motel room and watch crappy B movies with you instead. When they did find women for the night, you'd slip away and fly somewhere else. Anywhere else really, but your favorite place recently was Mt. Waialeale in Hawaii. It rains there most of the time _,and its comforting when you're trying to repress misplaced jealousy._

********************

Today's hunt was typical, but not boring. It had been gouls. _it's always ghouls!!!!_ Which meant all three of you were covered in a cornucopia of substances none you would ever want to imagine. As soon as the motel room door opened, Sam made a B-line for the shower. It went that way every time there was a particularly dirty hunt. This time was different, though. You usually used your 'mojo', as Dean called it, to clean yourself. Today you wanted a shower. You waited until Sam and Dean were both clean before you told them you weren't going to the bar with them. It was rare, but not wholly unusual. You were laying across a chair when the boys left; 'waiting for more hot water.'  
That was a lie. As soon as you were certain they were gone you zapped yourself clean, and dropped the morph that altered your appearance. They had never seen what you truly looked like. You suspected Cas knew the long grey hair and skinny thighs weren't really you, but he never said anything. _Time to clean myself up a little._ And, boy, did you. Three quick zaps and you were clean, your hair was straight, and your makeup was done. You examined you makeup for a moment though. _Is it too much? Black and silver is ok, right?_

You hated lingering in front of the mirror so long in your true form, but you had to be certain you looked half way decent.

 _Time for clothes. Boot cut jeans? Check. Favorite black boots? Check. Black razor back under shirt, and red flannel? Check. Grey beanie? Should I? Yeah OK check._ Even you had to admit you looked OK. You weren't trying to pick the boys up. You just wanted to get their honest opinion of your real appearance without them knowing it was you. _Ugh! Ok, I'm ready._

You were only about 30 minutes behind them, so you weren't worried that anyone had caught their attention yet. They would still be in their second beer. When you walked in you weren't disappointed. They were so predictable. Dean had procured a booth close enough to the bar to have a good view, but far enough away they wouldn't be spotted immediately if they had company. 

It was Sam who saw you first, as you made your way to the bar. If you were going to follow this through you needed a drink, or 12. You were careful to keep your eyes moving. The last thing you needed was either of them suspecting something. You sat at the bar with your back to their table and ordered 2 shots of Irish whiskey. Dean had introduced you, and now you were madly in love with it. 

It didn't take long for you to notice the one thing you hadn't taken into account. _A mirrored bar?!? Are you fucking kidding me?!?_  
Nothing about sitting in front of a reflection of the you that you hate sounded appealing. It was a good thing it didn't take long for Dean to wander up to the bar beside you, and order 2 more beers. "Hey," he smiled that cheesy seducive smile that never failed to win the ladies over. "Can I buy you a drink?" You were momentarily speechless, but you definitely needed another drink now. You nodded quickly. He flashed the bartender a smile and ordered you another shot of whiskey. _Is he flirting with me??_

You didn't know what you were expecting, but this wasn't it. He took Sam his beer back, and then wandered back to the bar to you. Dean was much better at small talk than you were, but the conversation flowed easily. You must've sat there for an hour or two talking about absolutely nothing, and absolutely everything before he asked of you wanted to leave with him. Both of you were clearly buzzing, but he was way farther gone than you were. You agreed. He excused himself, and wandered over to Sam. He leaned over to whsiper something to him you couldn't quite hear, then he was back at your side. He threw his arm around your shoulder and led you out. The walk back to the motel room was quiet, and chilly. You were sobering up quickly. 

This couldn't happen. The wasn't what you intended. It wasn't that you didn't want it because you did. Dean was attractive for sure , but that was the problem. He was too attractive to be with someone like you, and he'd be pisses if he knew it was you he was taking to bed. _This wouldn't be happening if he was sober._

As soon as the door to the motel room closed behind you he pinned you against the door, and attacked your lips with his. His lips tasted like whiskey, and the open road. It was intoxicating. If you kept kissing him you wouldn't be able to stop. His hands were all over your waist as his lips trailed down your cheek to your neck. You could feel his breath against your ear.  
"Y/N"  
_what!? I gave him a fake name?! What?!_

You pushed him back and looked up into his eyes, "you knew it was me?"  
He laughed lightly, "yeah, Y/N, of course I did. I'd recognize those boots anywhere. "  
_of course the boots gave me away. He was just messing with me. Great. I look like an idiot._

" Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you-"

Dean interrupted you quickly once again crashing his lips into yours. He breathed in between kisses, " I get it. You were too embarrassed to come on to me, so you changed your appearance... It's fine Y/N. I don't understand why you picked this particular look. I figured you'd have picked Angelina Jolie, or that chick from that movie we watched last night...but whatever. You don't have to hide. You can look like you. I'd still want you." 

When you didn't reply he raised his hand to your face and raised it until your gaze met his. The sudden pain you felt from him telling you to change back into the facade that was now you must have read on your face because his was now filled with panic. 

"What, Y/N? Did I say something wrong?" 

You tried to fake a smile as you pushed past him. "Nothing Dean. I just suddenly don't feel well."

He looked panicked, but you couldn't have this conversation. He could never know this is what you really looked like, so you shifted back into the you he knew, and flew off before he could stop you. Facing him just wasn't an option right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of chapter three it might get a little smutty ;)


	3. Avoidance

You have been avoiding the boys for weeks now. You still haven't got it in you to face them. You have been certain they've been calling you, but you have yet to answer. They've even had Castiel looking for you.

*******************

Dean was pissed that you took off without telling him what he'd done wrong. He was pissed that you were ignoring him. He was pissed that he was pissed. Sam was hurt, and missing you because you weren't answering him either, and Cas said you didn't want to be found. You had been hiding yourself well. It wasn't a good mix for any of them heading into a nest of Vamps. That's probably why it went south, and you were forced to come help when you still weren't ready to see them. As soon as Dean, Sam, and Cas were safe you flew off again, but Cas was quick enough to follow you this time. 

You sat down heavily on a boulder sitting on a cliff that overlooked the sea. This is where you had been spending your time. It was calming. Castiel said nothing for a long time. He was enjoying the silence and the sea as much as you were. After the sun had finished rising he turned to you. 

"Why are you upset with Dean? And Sam? And me?"

He sounded a little hurt. You couldn't help but giggle. Cas was adorable to you. He understood so little about humans. 

" I'm not upset with you, Cas. I'm not upset with any of you." 

"Then why are you avoiding Dean? Why are you hiding from me?"

You didn't know how to explain yourself. 

" That wasn't a random form...that was me. " 

Castiel seemed to understand what you meant, but said nothing. 

"Please don't tell Dean. Ok, Cas? I'll come back and quit hiding if you just don't tell him. "

Cas said nothing. You knew what that meant. He couldn't lie to Dean. Finally, he broke the silence. 

" I won't bring it up, but, Y/N, if he asks me I won't lie to him. "

*********************

You and Cas sat in silence for a long time before you headed back to the bunker with the boys. They had both showered, and slept by the time you had arrived. Dean was drinking coffee in the kitchen, and Sam was lounging on the couch watching TV in the common room. Sam jumped up, and walked up to you briskly. _He missed me._ He wrapped his arms around your waist, and hugged you tight. You and Sam had gotten close during the time you had been with him and Dean. He was someone you didn't know you needed in your life. When the two of you broke your hug, Dean was leaning against the doorframe looking at you. He was obviously happy you were back, but also insanely pissed you ever left. He didn't understand why you left at all, but he also knew he didn't want you to leave again. He didn't bring up the night at the bar.

The morning passed by quickly and quietly. Sam and Cas were watching a movie that you were pretending to watch, but really you were reading a book. Dean was also pretending to watch the movie, but he was watching you. It was about lunch time when you heard Deans stomach growl. Sam must've heard it too because he looked up and laughed lightly. 

"Guess that's my cue to go on a food run. y/n, do you wanna ride?"

You did. You always loved hanging out with Sam, but you didn't like Cas and Dean alone either. You couldn't think of a reason to say no though, so you went. 

*****************

The next few days passed peacfully until Castiel had to leave. He said he had to deal with something that he didn't feel the urge to elaborate on. Sam decided he was going into the city to watch a french film that didn't sound all that enticing to you, so it was just you and Dean tonight. _great._

You and Dean passed most of the evening in silence watching movies. It was a passtime you both enjoyed. After way too many sci-fi movies, Dean popped in a romantic comedy he swore you'd love. He didn't believe you when you said you hated them. It was about 20 minutes in to the movie before you felt him lean closer, and slip his arm around you. You sighed heavily. You loved the idea of you and Dean, but it couldn't happen like this. 

"Dean, please..."

He looked wounded again. It killed you to see that look on his face. He paused the movie. 

"Why, Y/N? You wanted it that night after the bar. I could tell when you kissed me. So tell me why!"

He was frustrated. You were too. 

"We just can't, Dean."

" Why? Because you think I'm too good for you? You think I thought you were ugly? Well it isn't true. I wasn't drunk. I knew what I was doing when I took you out of that bar. "

You were completely stunned. He knew. Cas had told him.

" I knew that was really you before Cas told me. You were too hurt by what I said for it to have been a random person you wanted to impersonate."

He always seemed to read your mind like that. 

"Y/N, change back. Let me see you again. "

You hesitated. That was a version of yourself that you abandoned. It belonged in your old life, not here. You humored him though. You still hadn't gotten good at denying any of them a request. He took every new inch of you in. He brushed your Y/h/c hair from around your face. 

" Y/N, You're beautiful."

You wanted to cry, but you kept your tears at bay. _No chick flick moments_ He slowly leaned forward, his hand still resting on your cheek, until his face was centimeters from yours. 

"Can I?"

You nodded lighlty and closed the distance between you. His lips tasted the same as they did the last time: whiskey and the open road. The arm that was around your shoulder pulled you closer, while his free arm rested on your hip. You felt so awkward about allowing someone, especially Dean Winchester, touch you so intimately; but the kiss was intoxicating. The two of you broke only for seconds at a time to catch a breath, then your lips were attached together once again. Every second the kisses were growing more heated and passionate. After an eternity of enjoying each other's lips, Dean pulled back. His bright green eyes glued to yours. 

"Do you want to keep going?"

You nodded. He held out his hand to you. You took it, and rose. Dean guided you down the hallway to his room. While he closed the door, you found yourself standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. 

"Dean, you don't have to do this. I'm not the kind of girl you're use to, I know. It won't hurt my feelings. I'll under-"

"Of course I want this. I've wanted it for a long time. I think you're beautiful, but that isn't why I want to. I think you're amazing. You're funny, and smart. It's easy with you, so **this** is...perfect."

You smiled, and crashed your lips back into his once again. You resolved to give yourself to him without reservation if that's really what he wanted. He broke the kiss to move slowly down to your neck, as his hands played with the fabric of your shirt. It didn't take long for him to grow weary of your shirt, and tug it quickly off over your head. His quickly followed. He matched every loss of your clothing with his own. Dean didn't you to feel awkward about your nakedness.

You were so much shorter than Dean that it was hard for him to do much more than kiss you, and explore you with his hands while standing. Once you were both completely stripped he pushed you gently backward and onto the bed. He wanted to spend time enjoying every inch of you. His kisses trailed from your neck, down your collarbone to your breasts. He covered your breasts in tender kisses; taking time to suckle and lick each nipple.

Each kiss elicited a new moan from between your lips; each one echoing off the bedroom walls. He slowly made his way down to, then across your stomach. It tickled, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. Wetness was already pooling between your legs, but he showed no sign that he was stopping his incessant teasing yet. After he was satisfied with your stomach he kissed each hip, then down and back up each leg. His kisses became wetter, and more intimate the farther up your inner thigh he moved. 

You could tell he was enjoying teasing you. After, what felt like a lifetime, his lips found their way to your warm, wet center. His lips parted, and his tongue began exploring your delicate folds.

Your moans grew louder with each passing moment. You could feel a familiar heart growing inside yourself. You were getting close. He must've known too because he suddenly pulled back and looked up into your eyes. You knew you looked disheveled, but you didn't care. You whimpered at the loss of his tongue between your legs. He smiled and chuckled before climbing up your body. 

"Did you like that? "

" yeah. "

" Do you still want this? "

Of course you did. At this moment nothing sounded better. 

" Yes, Dean. Yes, please "

That must have been sufficient enough for him because he was once again smothering your lips in kisses as he positioned himself between your legs. He broke the kiss and looked into your eyes as he sunk his entire length inside you. You inhaled deeply, and all at once. You suddenly felt so full and complete. He allowed you a moment to adjust before he moved, but really you didn't need it. You urged him on. 

" Dean, fuck me. "

He was suddenly moving in and out harder and faster than you anticipated, but it felt amazing. He gripped your hips tight enough you were sure you'd have bruises tomorrow. You didn't care. He had left hickeys all over your body already anyway. 

His name fell off your lips like a curse, and yours fell off his like a blessing.

He was getting close. You could tell.

He positioned himself so he could hold himself up on one hand. He used the other to rub your clit. 

" Cum with me Y/N."

It didn't take much for you to follow that command. Before you knew it you could fell yourself falling over the edge, with him right behind. You screamed his name and he collapsed, moaning in your ear, as he emptied himself inside you. 

It was a long moment before either of you attempted to move, but finally Dean rolled to the side and wrapped his arms around you. He kissed your forehead before drifting peacefully off to sleep. You didn't need to sleep anymore, but you still had the ability and the will; so for the first time in years, you did.

You were the only one awake when Sam came in. You heard him call out once for each of you, but you didn't have the will to move away from Dean. You did open your eyes though, and just in time to see Sam peek into Dean's room. His eyes got as big as saucers, and his cheeks turned bright red. He turned and left you two quickly after realizing why neither of you had answered him. Since you were already wide awake you decided to go ahead and get up and try to calm Sam. You hated him being so embarrassed. 

It took a bit of tender wiggling to get out of bed without waking Dean, but you managed it finally. You found Sam in the kitchen attempting to look busy. 

"Hey, Y/N. I bought some pie on the way back. Want some?"

" Nah. Dean would probably kill me."

"It doesn't look like he would."

You blushed, and had no idea how to respond. Sam noticed and chuckled a little. 

"Don't be embarrassed. It's fine. I'm, actually, kind of glad you two did it so you can stop eye fucking each other all the time. He's been going crazy about it happening since the night you took off. "

You dropped your smile. You had been trying so hard not to think about that night. 

"I didn't mean to bring it up, but has wanted you for a while. When you came out like that to the bar, he thought you wanted him too, so when you took off it hurt his pride a little bit. Actually, speaking of why do you look like that again? I'm certain Dean prefers what you really look like to this. "

"That's why I took off Sam. That's why I didn't want to sleep with him. This **is** what I really look like. "

Tears welled up in your eyes. You were suddenly wrapped up in someone's arms from behind. It was Dean. He pulled you into his chest and shot Sam a hateful glance. 

Sam quickly apologized. " Y/N, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I-"

Dean shot him another glance to cut him off and pulled your face up to look at him. 

"Y/N, you're beautiful. You're perfect exactly how you are."

"I'm fine. Thank you. I'm fine. "

You weren't sure how you developed that tick, but that was a sure fire sign you weren't fine. You wiped your eyes, and pretended to be fine anyway. You had never liked yourself, but you were closer right now than you ever had been; and, you didn't have time for self loathing. There were monsters to hunt after all. 

*********************

Nothing changed between you and Dean, not really. You weren't a couple. You still flirted from time to time, but it wasn't like you were running off after every hunt to sleep together. You resolved you were whatever any of you were and that was fine.


	4. Talking to angels....or not.

The only angels you had ever met were Balthazar, Castiel, and an angel you couldn't catch his name. Cas wanted to kill you on sight. Bathazar had laughed and said you were the smallest Nephilim he had ever seen. The nameless angel hadn't spoken. He had only attacked. You had tried to reason with him. You didn't want to kill him. You didn't kill anything that wasn't a monster, but in the end you had few options. It still wasn't in you to kill him though, so you sent him to the void. It wouldn't kill him, but he wouldn't ever get out either. You reasoned after that to avoid all angels you could. Smiting didn't sound like a fun end to a Saturday afternoon, so when the Winchester boys had made the Angel most wanted list you made yourself scarce. They understood why, and only called you if you needed help badly...which you found didn't happen often. 

With all the free time you suddenly had, you found yourself wasting your time hunting, and getting wasted _and occasionally doing the sinful things that were in your Nephilim nature._ You had spent a year ridding the world everything from a Morgana in Ireland, to La Llorona down in Mexico City. Flying definitely had its perks.

Sinning had its perks too. There had been a guy in Louisianna. You had stayed with him for a whole week before you split. You went through partners as fast as Dean, so a week was an eternity. Looking back, you guessed you stayed because he reminded you of Sam. It was familiar; comfortable even. You missed the boys more than you cared to admit, and when it got too much to bear you went on a difficult hunt. You found one you knew would give you problems, so you didn't have to think about it. 

****************

Tonight you missed Dean, Sam, Cas, and all the others the three of you had lost along the way especially bad. You were scouring the papers, and internet for something that met your criteria. 

No.1: Must have killed more than 3 innocents  
No.2: Must have defeated more than 1 hunter.  
No.3: No ghouls, No ghosts, No vampires, No werewolves...No typical monsters. _They're too easy to kill_  
No.4: No Winchester's. 

That last rule killed you, but you couldn't risk meeting an angel that was less tolerant than Castiel again. After hours of searching you found a story that sounded like your cup of tea just north west of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Some little town you'd never heard of. Women were getting sick and dying. The stories had started almost a year ago, but they just reported women coming down with an unexplainable illness. The stories even seemed to stop for a little bit, but they returned with a vengeance a few months ago when women started dying: a new one every night.

You changed into a suit, and headed to the local sheriff's department. You hated this part. Sam and Dean were always so much better at this part than you were. A suit didn't look right on you, but the locals here didn't ask many questions. _Luckily_

This sheriff's department looked like so many others you'd seen in like towns all over the country. It was about as big as the common room in the bunker, and smelled like it too. _coffee_ It didn't take long for the pudgy man in uniform to walk over to you. He had a surprisingly firm handshake. His name was Sheriff Joe Royce. 

"Agent," his voice was friendly, but exhausted. "I'm so glad the FBI finally sent someone back. That last guy seemed about as confused as the rest of us. "

_Good. Another hunter has been here and left._

You introduced yourself as agent Angeles. Joe had filled you in on all the details he had, which wasn't much. They thought it was some kind of serial killer, poisoning women then killing them later after watching them suffer. None of the women had anything in common. They had all gotten sick, and died at different times, some overlapping, some not. The medical examiner hadn't had much else either. No traces of poison in the bodies. No sign of physical damage that would have caused death. You checked the 2 fresh bodies, and you couldn't find anything either. _Not a djinn. Not a wraith. What the fuck._

You rented a motel room, well more like borrowed, to have a place to do research in peace. You had scowered the internet, and local library. The only thing you found were minor signs of demon activity, which you half expected. Crowley had at least one or two demons in every town in every state in the country. Since you had no other leads, it meant it was time to call Crowley. You had met him a few times during your time with Sam and Dean. You actually rather liked him, but that still didn't mean you were looking forward to this encounter. He was a demon after all. 

"What is it?! I was a little busy....Oh, it's you. Where's moose, and squirrel?"

" They aren't here. I need to ask you a question, Crowley. "

" You expect me to believe you're here without them? You three were joined at the brain for years, and now all of a sudden....oh, they ditched you didn't they. Theyre good for that, you know. They steal your heart away and then just take off-"

"They didn't ditch me, Crowley. I just decided to hunt on my own."

Crowley obviously had no idea you were a Nephilim or why you weren't with the boys anymore. That was good. You didn't need anyone knowing you were a Nephilim who didn't need to. 

"Hmmm...tell you what. You said you needed to ask me a question, right? You need some information, so I'll trade you. You tell me why you decided to take off on your own, and I'll tell you whatever it is you need to know. If you decline then I'll just...leave. "

" I just decided to hunt on my own. They're off fighting angels, and finding God. I'm out killing shit. "

"You aren't being entirely honest with me are you?"

He was fishing. 

"Yes, why would I lie?"

" I don't know. Perhaps you're lying for the same reason you perpetually reek of angel. Why would someone who smells like angel avoid them?"

He paused then you could see the lightbulb go off.

"My, my, my. A Nephilim? I thought you were all dead. "

" I don't know what you're talking about," you stammered. Even you didn't believe the words coming out of your mouth. 

"Of course you don't. Don't worry, Y/N. Your secret is safe with me. You answered my question, and I am a man of my word. What did you want to know?"

"Do you have a demon here?"

"What? Of course I do. I have three here in fact, why?"

"No, no. I mean a heavy hitter. One who is killing every women in town. "

" Oh. Yes. Him. Well, he isn't one of mine. I don't know what to tell you. "

"A demon that isn't yours? Sure, OK. If he isn't yours tell me where to find him. "

" I wish it were that simple. If I knew where to find him I would've dealt with him myself. He messed with some of my plans, and I owe him. "

You stared at him intently. He was playing coy. _Grand_ You hadn't even bothered to draw up any devils traps. 

"All I can say is take a nap, and get your head together. It'll help, I promise. Then, if you rid the world of our demon friend, call me and we'll have a celebratory drink. Bye, love. "

With that, he was gone. _Great. His great advice is 'take a nap'! How is that going to help?!?_

You had outdone yourself this time. A demon is killing innocent women by the dozen, and Crowley's great advice is to take a nap. You hadn't slept in years. Nephilim didn't sleep. Crowley had to know that. He didn't need sleep either, so why was he telling you to nap? You decided to get wasted, and try to get your thoughts straight. 

You conjured a bottle of Jameson, and zoned out on the TV. The bottle was mostly gone when the thought struck you. _What if Crowley gave me good advice? What if sleeping might actually help?"_

You layed down across the bed, and tried to get comfortable. Sleep wasn't second nature to you anymore. It took forever, but you finally managed to sleep. At first it was black, and dreamless. Sleep had been since you arrived, at least the few times you'd attempted it.

All at once you found yourself dreaming. You lay on a soft bed, with lush satin sheets. It felt lovely. That was when you saw him. He was standing at the foot of the bed. He was beautiful. You had met many attractive men in your life; Dean and Sam for example were of the more attractive. The man you dreampt of now was the most handsome man you had ever laid eyes on. He said nothing. He just stood there, staring; taking in your nakedness. It wasn't until this moment that you realized you were both naked. He smiled, and began crawling up the bed toward you. 

His face was just inches above yours within seconds. You met his gaze. You could have fallen into his eyes and drowned. They were all consuming, and.... _black! He's the demon!!!_

You gasped and found yourself laying back in the motel room bed. Luckily for you, you had nightmares as a kid, so you knew how to wake yourself. Unluckily for you the internet didn't seemed to know how to kill an incubus. Crowley had hinted that he didn't either. 

You paced so long there was a noticeable rut worn into the floor. You had been racking your brain for hours. Finally it occurred to you, it might've been a dream, but it was your dream. _How hard could it be to dream about a demon blade, and a devil trap?_

As it turned out killing an incubus wasn't as easy as you had thought. When you entered the dream world again you found yourself back in the same lavish room as before, but now you were standing by a door. He was sitting on the couch waiting for you. He didn't look like he suspected why you came back, only that he was glad you did. He motioned for you to join him in the couch. You forced your legs to carry you to him. The closer you got the more you found you wanted to be closer.

You found yourself kissing him before you even knew you'd reached the couch. It was intoxicating, but you did your best to imagine the devils trap beneath you. After too many kisses you opened your eyes. No devils trap in sight. You tried again and again, but to no avail. It wasn't working. You finally resolved that if you couldn't bring a devils trap to you then you would take him to the devils trap. You let your mind wander to the dungeon in the bunker. The scent was so strong in your memory you could almost smell it now. You could almost feel the cold concrete beneath your back. The random drips of that leaky pipe Dean swore he'd fix 2 years ago echoed off the walls. When the incubus broke the kiss to move down your body, you looked around. _The dungeon!_ You bolted from beneath him toward the door. He tried to start after you. It was then he realized he was trapped. His eyes seemed to glow. He was pissed. You didn't give him time to escape. You grabbed the demon blade that perpetually resided on the table by the door, and plunged it into his stomach. The demon flickered, and fell. You stood there in your dream world staring at the beautiful demon until he disappeared. 

Instead of waking, you found yourself roaming the halls of the bunker. You were looking for Dean and Sam. Even if it was a dream, seeing their faces would be a nice reprieve from the monsters you'd been facing lately. You'd been searching so long, but the dream bunker was empty. _Just my luck._

  
You awoke in a cold sweat back in the same aweful motel room you fell asleep in. The incubus was dead, and Crowley owed you a celebratory drink.

You and Crowley sat alone at the dive. You were pretty sure he had arranged for you to be alone. You had a feeling he knew that's what you needed. He might have been the king of hell, but he was also fairly kind and intuitive when he wanted to be. You understood why the boys didn't trust him, but you weren't thinking about that right now. He was filling the hole the Winchester boys had left well, and that's what you were dwelling on.  
The two of you had been talking, laughing, and drinking for hours before you realized any time had passed at all. This was nice, and comfortable. You could do this again.


	5. Mr. Crowley

You and Crowley had been inseparable since the night you killed the incubus. That was 6 months ago now. The only time you were apart was when you hunted or he had 'hell business'. He didn't interfere with you, and you didn't interfere with him. It was a good system. When you had a particularly bad hunt, he would clean out a dive so you could drown your sorrows. When he had a particularly troublesome business deal, which he never cared to elaborate on, you'd take him to bed and work out his frustrations.

Sex with Crowley wasn't like sex with Dean. Crowley devoured you. It occurred to you that was probably the reason you did it. It was a complete and total escape from the memories of your time with Dean and Sam. It was post couitus when Crowley said, once again he was being called away. You had a monster to hunt anyway. 

"What the hell is it?!? I was busy!" Crowley started before turning around. "Oh! Moose, squirrel! How are you?"

" Why have you kidnapped her, Crowley! Where is she?" Dean spat.

"'Her' who, boys?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "You know who. Where is she?"

"Hmm... Yay tall," Crowley held up his hand," grey eyes, perpetually tastes of mountain dew and skittles even though, frankly, I've never see her touch either one. That her?"

Dean's pensive expression grew more intense. He'd been pissed when a demon told him that you were with Crowley. He couldn't understand why Crowley would even be interested in you, except as leverage against him and his brother. "Yes, her. Where the hell is she?!"

" Well, before you called we were in a lovely room somewhere in California, but I would say she's long gone by now. She's got quite the appetite for hunting. I imagine it's how she drowns out thoughts of you so she doesn't lose her head."

"Sam sputtered,"What?"

"I didn't kidnap her. She misses you boys something awful, I miss humanity, so sometimes we keep each other company. It's simple really. Now, can you please let me out of this damned devils trap?"

Sam turned to Dean. "Dean, I think it's time we call her."

"Sammy, if she wanted to come she'd come. I've called her a dozen times. She never answers. If you wanna call her go call her. I'll stay here, and keep an eye on our guest."

Sam turned out of the dungeon and made his way into his room. This wouldn't be his first time calling you, but it would be the first time he called for reasons other than someone's imminent death. He misses you, but he understood why you had stayed away. He just hated that it had to be that way. He fell heavily onto his bed, and prayed to you. " Y/N, I need you. Please come to the bunker."

You dropped everything, and was at Sam's side in seconds. Sam never called unless it was important, and his tone felt important now. "Sammy?"

He jumped up, and wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up. He spun you before dropping you back to your feet. " You came! Are you alright? Where have you been? Why have you been with Crowley? Did you have sex with crowl-"

"Slow down Sam. I can only answer one at a time. Are you OK, though? Is Dean OK? Why did you call?"

"A demon told us Crowley kidnapped you and w-"

Crowley didn't kidnap me. We have spent some time together. It was nice having company that I couldn't get killed, and he can travel as fast as I can. So there is that. I've been hunting all over the world. And yes...I did. I...don't have a good explanation for that. So I'm sorry. "

Sam looked broken a bit, but he regained composure quickly. " Dean's in the other room. He'll want to see you."

"Sam, its not that I don't want to be here, but you know it's dangerous for you two if I am..."

"The angels are a bit too busy right now to worry about one Nephilim. You can stay just for a little while, Y/N. I know you worry, but really...."

"OK, where is he?"

That's when it occurred to Sam. "He's, uh, in the dungeon....with Crowley. We were gonna rescue you?"

This made you laugh. You followed Sam into the dungeon. Dean looked at you hard. It was piercing, really. " Hey, Y/N, glad you came. We were gonna go out and rescue you, but Crowley here said you didn't need to be rescued... "

"Sorry to ruin you fun Dean, but as you can see I am safe and sound."

" Great. You're all reunited. You're one big happy family. Can you please let me go now?!" Crowley was seething. 

You walked over and toed the line on the ground until the circle was broken. "Go home Crowley. "

With that said, Crowley was gone. 

The night was spent playing 20 questions, more or less, after Dean chewed you out for letting Crowley go. The boys both had so many questions about your time away from them. You had questions of your own. You told them of your hunts, and how your 'friends with benefits' situation with Crowley arose. In turn you learned that Dean and Cas might be dating, if that was the correct wording, and that the reason the angels were busy was because of an uprising in heaven. 

Cas stopped by later after Dean sent him word that you were there. He seemed pleased to see you. He stayed and talked a few minutes, but said he had work to do and couldn't stay. You finally believed the 'dating' thing just before he left when you say him place a kiss on Deans lips. You were so happy for them both. The way they looked at each other, you had always suspected. Even when you and Dean had your moment, you suspected. Dean went to bed not long after that, but not without making you promise to still be there when he woke. You obliged. If heaven was busy, you could definitely stick around again. 

You and Sam spent the next bit laying on the couch talking about anything and everything. He had clearly missed you, and you had definitely missed him. It was getting late, and Sam's eyes were getting heavy. "Sam, go to bed. You're exhausted. I'll still be here tomorrow."

" I know, but I'm just not ready to stop taking to you yet. "

" If you wanted, I could lay down with you and talk to you until you fall asleep. "

Sam seemed to consider it for a minute before nodding. You followed him to his room, and curled up under the blankets. His bed was just barely big enough for the two of you. The two of you wiggled and squirmed until Sam was comfortable, and that's all it took for him to retreat from the waking world.

The next morning you waited until you were sure someone was waking, and made coffee as well as pancakes. Dean was the one who wandered into the kitchen first. "You're still here, and you made breakfast."

Dean was pleased. He was always pleased where food was involved. He sat silently eating for a time before speaking again.

" About before....about us, and me and Cas....."

You faced him, but said nothing. You didn't know where he was going with this. 

"I want you to know I meant what I said back then. You weren't just....I didn't think of you like the others before. I cared about you. I think I cared about Cas even then though and I was just running from it. You didn't have to go back to the fake you."

"I never thought that, Dean. I look like this because I want to. I'm glad you and Cas have each other, and I'm glad you're out of Narnia."

Dean laughed into his coffee. It was then that Sam wandered in. His eyes were barely open. He'd stayed up too late. He placed a hand on your hip, and a kiss on your cheek before drowning his sleep in a cup of coffee. The kiss startled you. He had never done that before. Dean seemed to notice, too, but neither of you said anything about. 

Dean spoke first. "I'm going in to town to get some groceries. I'll be back later."

Dean was up and out the door in record time. He acted like he knew something you didn't. You tried not to put too much thought into it. Sam was sitting quietly at the table when you zapped the kitchen clean. You made a note to do the rest of the bunker later. The boys clearly hadn't dusted since you'd been gone. 

You watched Sam try to speak for the better part of an hour, but he said nothing for a long time. Finally, he spoke quietly. " I'm glad you came. I hope you'll stay for a while."

"I'll stay until you're not safe with me being here. I'd rather be here with you than out hunting. I like it here. I like being with you...and Dean."

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to since Dean and Cas are...."

"Of course I would! I kinda thought they were already anyway, even back then."

Sam chuckled. He looked so relieved. You were too. It felt so nice being back here again. You loved the boys so much. You had since the moment you arrived. They had become your surrogate family. 

You and Sam migrated to the common room where you proceeded to fight for the sofa. It was your favorite spot and Sam knew it. His height made him difficult to move, even for you. You weighed the options and realized it was unfair to use your mojo to move him, so you sat on him instead. He exhailed hard as you plopped down onto his stomach, but he made no attempt to move you. The two of you lay there enjoying your respective books until Dean returned late that afternoon.


	6. Sam

Dean had made a few crude jokes at the expense of the two of you before he lost interest. Sam didn't seem to mind much, and you had stopped paying Dean mind some time ago. The two of you had only moved to eat dinner before once again fighting for the comfort of the sofa. Once again, Sam had won, and you were forced to use him as your chair. When Sam ended up falling asleep there, so you zapped him into a pair of sweat and into his bed. You finally had the whole couch to yourself. 

Morning came quickly for the Winchester boys. Sam awoke early, as he always did to go on his early morning run. Dean would be an hour later, just as Sam was arriving home. You were happy to see their schedules hadn't changed. 

Dean had just started his cup of coffee when Sam came bounding in. He walked into the kitchen, and poured himself a cup of some sort of green slime. Neither you or Dean dared ask what it was. Sam must have noticed that the two of you turned your noses up because he chuckled so hard he nearly spit out his slime.

"Y/N, thanks for putting me to bed last night." He smiled and planted another out of character kiss on your cheek. "I'm going to shower." Sam bounded into the hall toward the bathroom.

You exchanged confused glances with Dean. "Is there something going on with you and Sam?"

You shook your head. "I wish I knew. I mean, I thought maybe he just misses me, but I'm beginning to wonder. Night before last he had me lay in bed and talk to him until he fell asleep. I just assumed he was afraid I would leave, but....honestly, I don't know. I could read his mind, but I promised both of you I wouldn't do that so...." Your voice trailed off. You had been rambling anyway. Sam's behavior was really puzzling you. 

You and Sam had always been close, but you had never thought it was anything beyond platonic. You were beginning to believe it was anything but now though. Dean excused himself not long after the exchange. He said he wanted to go into town for something.

You had cleaned the library, and were helping yourself to some light reading when Sam came out from his shower. "Hey, where's Dean?"

"He said something about baby needing a tune up, then disappeared."

Sam nodded slightly. "Ah." He licked his lips and joined you on the couch. He, thankfully, didn't try to take it over this time. You glanced up at him, and noticed he looked like he had something on his mind.

"I'm really glad you're back, y/n. I really missed having you around."

"I could tell. You've barely left my side since I been back." You looked away. "And those kisses on my cheek....Sam is there something we need to talk about?"

Sam's face fell a little. "I-I....I guess I just missed you more than I thought I would that's all, I guess."

"Sam, I promised I would never read your thoughts, but if you aren't going to be honest with me..."

"I don't know, Y/N. I thought about you every day you were gone. I thought about how much I wished I had made a move when you were at the bar, but when Dean jumped to...I just.....and then you left with him so I knew you wanted him too, not me..."

"I never knew, Sammy. We had a rough start of it, but we got close. I never knew Dean had wanted me either. I all too often think so low of myself. It always shocks me to find out someone might actually want me. I do wish though that I knew then what I know now. I would have done things differently."

Sam threw his arm around your shoulder and pulled you to him until your foreheads rested against each other. He stayed there for a long time before he raised up and planted a light kiss against your head. He then headed off to the recesses of the bunker. You both had too much to think about now.

The next few weeks passed much the same. Sam would slip you gentle cheek and forehead kisses when he came in from his run. Dean would smile a knowing smile and excuse himself. You cooked and cleaned and looked after the boys you had grown to love so much. It was nice, and quiet; that is until Dean, and Cas had hinted that they wanted some time alone. Sam had volunteered the two of you to be the ones to leave for a couple of days. You didn't argue though. It sounded nice getting away from the bunker, and since you could fly you could go anywhere Sam wanted. 

Sam deliberated while he packed a bag. He finally decided on Ireland, and you happened to know a great hotel there that just happened to be in an actual castle. It seemed like a win win. Sam stretched his legs while you got the room. He hated flying almost as much as Dean. He was just nicer about it. 

It didn't take long to get booked and up to the room. It was bigger than Sam was use to. He was in heaven, if not a slightly confused one. "There's only one bed?"

He was use to sharing with Dean. "I don't sleep Sam. Remember?"

His mouth turned up into a goofy half smile. You couldn't remember the last time he looked so happy. "oh, yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> It's still a work in progress, and its my first one so please, be gentle.


End file.
